Be Vulnerable, Be Worshipful

 I’m not sure that anyone would ever accuse me of being a private person. I wear my emotions right on my face, which is very expressive. I can hide my feelings if I really pay attention but most often I am just not paying attention, I’m just being me in pretty much every moment, sometimes selfish, sometimes sad, sometimes way too outspoken me. So for those of you who are actually in my non-virtual life, I’m sorry for the blunt honesty that may have been tossed your way at times. Praise God He is working on all of us, including me, so I am learning how to hold my tongue and boy is that a beast of a creation. I imagine that if there were some kind of goggles similar to heat vision goggles that could see concentration of sin in any view, I’m guessing  my tongue would be totally white hot with sin vision goggles and my lips too, at least I think that’s the part of my body that does the most sinning, paired perfectly with my mind. If you don’t know how heat vision works, instead of normal color, images are colored by their temperature, black is cold, yellow warmer, orange, red and then finally white being the hottest. Yep, white hot lips over here folks. I tend to be a person with very strong convictions, not easily swayed. This can be very good at times and also very bad. I’m not totally sure where I am going with this brief summation of my personality and flaws, it may be that I’m feeling like I want to put myself out there so as to give others an opportunity to possibly like me a bit,  so that it’s not so hard to have grace for me as I make mistakes right in front of your eyes.

 I’m taking on a new roll this fall. Adding to the list of Cook, Chauffeur, Maid, Bottom Wiper, Nurse, Night Shift Supervisor, Toddler Bowel Movement Specialist, Personal Shopper, Therapist, Amateur Writer I’m adding Womens Bible Study Worship Leader starting the end of this month. It’s really not that big of a job, maybe 4 hours of work a week,  but to me it feels big. Placing three toddlers inside any kind of weekly schedule feels like I’m reaching for a miracle…..well I am… I will be every week. I will be reaching for God to pull me out of my seventeen hundred square foot life and connect me with hundreds of other women, worshiping Him for twenty minutes a week. It’s gonna be awesome. There is no place I would rather be than letting Him press me further and further out of my comfort zone and into His holiness. And you know what that looks like…… MESSY. So if you are planning on attending  Womens Bible Study at Good Shepherd this fall I would like to prepare you for some mess. I hope it’s a good kind of mess, I plan for it to be. I’m gonna be vulnerable, real, learning, and seeking Gods presence and a state of meditation and  transcendent worship for every twenty minute set. Somedays (most days) I’m going to be tired and self conscious and struggling with my own hypocrisy as I stand and attempt to lead you all into worship, when I know that I’ve been sinning and failing probably just the night before or even the moment before I get on stage. But that is our Christian walk… to continue on seeking His face even though we fall short, because He doesn’t, He never fails and His grace never fails and He is constantly worthy of praise even two minutes after I have a crummy thought about the person in the third row. He deserves, repentance and immediate praise for the forgiveness He ever offers.

So even though you may perceive me as not being a private person, I want to be, I don’t want you to see the real me. I want you to see Instagram me in all her glory, but I know God is truly praised in a state of humility, vulnerability and in a state of truth. So I guess in this post I’m asking, please have grace for me as I seek to worship Him with you in a state of terrifying honesty and inadequacy. And if you think about it, please pray for me as I step into this vulnerable leadership role.

I feel like I’m putting a big target on my back for Satan to aim at so your prayers are very appreciated. If you think about it, will you pray for:

* my kids and I on Wednesday mornings between seven and eight twenty  a.m. when I will be in a frenzy trying to heard cats into eating their breakfast and dressing them and getting them in their car seats.

*for God to inspire each and every song chosen and the order that it’s planned to be sung in

*for my guitar playing abilities, trust me nothing is more distracting than someone trying to lead you into focusing on Jesus when they can’t stop focusing on trying to get chords right.

*for my communication and planning abilities.

*and for my husband Reed as he support me and takes care of kids while I plan and practice and need more alone time to decompress from putting myself out there in such a vulnerable way.

* Please pray for a fortress around our marriage

Thank you so much! I look forward to praising Jesus with you all in just three short weeks!